The alarm clock continued with its incessant ringing, making Thia throw away the blankets and finally get up from bed. She was exhausted. Today was her day off, yet she still had to do the other duties of a wife like get the kids ready for school, laundry, clean the house, pick them from school, attend a parents meeting and chat over the details of the school reunion planned out for next month. “Morning honey,” her husband Chad greeted as he got into the room after taking a shower. “Morning.” She got up and moved towards the wardrobe where she took out the clothes he would wear for work and immediately left for her children’s bedroom to wake them up. By the time she bundled them off to school and Chad was off to work she felt even worse than being exhausted and her day hadn’t yet started. When she got into the now empty house she busied herself with the house chores and was shocked when she realized that it was way past eleven a.m. when she finished. Where had all that time gone to?
She rushed to take the much needed shower and prepared a light snack afterwards. She was about to leave the house when her phone chimed announcing another message. As she checked the message she realized she wasn’t familiar with the number and it was just one word, ‘hi’. She put the phone into her pocket and shrugged off any thoughts as she had so much to do. She hurried from the house and left for school. She felt like she was barely managing with everything as she was being pulled on all sides. She and Chad had taken the decision to building a house and providing a stable home for their children prematurely. The long hours and overtime at work was getting to her while on the other hand she was both mother and wife. They had bills to pay, family and relatives to take care of and the house to be finished. The house was now at window level but Thia was not satisfied with that as she found herself comparing what she had accomplished so far with what her age mates had. They appeared to be a huge difference which she intended to reduce even if it meant working herself to the bone. Chad the calm and collected one was content with what they had accomplished so far and usually chided her of pushing herself, but she couldn’t stop.
Rose and Robert were already waiting for her at the school parking lot when she drove through the school gates. They rushed into the car and bickered on as she welcomed the noise which managed to take her away from her thoughts. “How was your day?” she asked the kids, while she maneuvered the car from the parking lot and joined the queue of others leaving the school. The two siblings continued to regale her about their day as she drove towards their grandmother’s place. When they arrived at her mother’s place she scolded the kids not to run when they hurriedly scrambled off from their seats while she carried their school bags and followed them at a leisurely pace. They rushed into their grandmother’s arms. Thia barely managed to slide in her greetings to her mother before the children started talking. It was always like a competition of raised voices as they usually were noisy and one was forced to shout over the ruckus.
“Hush” their grandmother reprimanded, silencing them and pulling each child into another of her bear hugs. “Go into the kitchen, you will find some chocolate chip cookies and milk on the table.” She turned to her daughter afterwards and also hugged her. The children gladly left both adults who trailed behind and came into the house. “You look exhausted,” Linda commented after noticing her appearance and managed to elicit a grimace from her daughter. Linda was in her mid-sixties and didn’t look her age at all. She was dressed in a blue doll dress and had combed her afro hair for once which had a few grey hairs at the front making it look more fashionable and not at all a sign of aging. She had laugh lines at the corner of her mouth and a dimple would appear every time she smiled. At the moment Thia was looking the worse for wear and more like her mother’s sister.
“I am, have been pulling double shifts at work and with all this house work, kids and all, it’s just proving to be too much. I am beyond exhausted ma. I need a long vacation. The only rest and comfort that I get nowadays is a bubble bath with a glass of wine, once per month.” She slumped down on the couch in the living room and pulled an incredulous expression. Linda chuckled; “I told you about your rush into starting a family, look where it has landed you.” Her daughter could be very dramatic. The talk about her rushing was always a bone of contention as her mother had instructed her from as early as thirteen, the relationship and sex aspect of things. She thought back to the impromptu sex talks that her mother held and felt herself cringing from embarrassment. Her mother has always been unconventional in the way she did things.
“I know, I know,” she interjected waving her hands to stop her from going further.
“There’s no use in speaking pertaining to things that have already happened ma. And besides I am not like you.” Linda scoffed softly at that statement, “You can be if you just decide on what you want and not be led by your heart. Like I always say, you should guide your heart instead of letting it guide you” she teased. “Anyway how’s my son in law doing?” She was still standing, watching her grandchildren who still hadn’t settled down. “Chad is fine; he got promoted last week so the additional income will go a long way for us to finally finishing our dream house.”
“Wow that’s good news we give thanks to God Almighty for that. At least you had the good sense to pick out a good man and settle down with” she quipped. She had noticed that her grandchildren were now settled, engrossed in munching the cookies and not making noise hence sat down, “so when is the meeting?”
“It’s at 6 p.m., but I need to meet up with the ladies an hour before for a cup of coffee and discuss about the reunion. I will come and get the kids at around 7:30 pm”, Thia advised while at the same time looking at her wrist watch, “If the meeting is not over by then I can always get the updates from the other parents.”
“Greet the girls on my behalf. Tell Angela to give me a call. It’s been ages since I last spoke to her”. Thia smiled recalling on how her mother had also taken her three friends under her wing. Always ready to impart her wisdom pertaining to faith, life and love. “Thanks for bringing my grandchildren so that I spend some time with them.” She continued as she watched Thia stand, walk over to the children and hug them, before she waved at her mother and left for the coffee shop.
Linda knew that she at times could be hard on her daughter, but she couldn’t help it. Thia had so much potential and her only problem in all this was that she always wanted to do all things at the same time. She was never one who took things one step at a time and be content in the stage she was in. No, her daughter was different to her in a lot of ways. When she had Cynthia, it had been a well thought up plan. All her ducks were already lined up pretty well as she was successful in her career and also she managed to get married to a man she considered to be a perfect mate. Whereas Thia’s idea of life was going to college, getting pregnant , a rushed wedding to cover up that fact which had been a letdown to Linda as she thought she had equipped her daughter effectively to the point she wouldn’t make such a mistake.
Life could be unpredictable though, especially when one was dealing with human beings. This was proven by her husband Matthew. Sweet Matthew the perfect mate turned out to be a dud at the end. He cheated on her a countless number of times and the most horrifying thing of all is that he would apologize about it, but still cheat even more. That nearly destroyed her self-esteem as she felt like his cheating was her fault. Then the abuse started. The final straw came when he threw their one year old daughter against the wall after coming home drunk. She hadn’t even realized that he also started drinking in addition to his philandering ways. Linda had sworn that she would never experience what her mother went through, hence threw Matthew out of the house when that happened.
Linda was one of the girls in a family of six boys and three girls. Their home was ruled by an overbearing man who demanded respect and who also happened to have two more wives on his belt. Everything appeared to be scarce at home and at school she was one of those who had to wear the hand me down clothes from her two older sisters. They fought over the resources as children growing up in the Andrews homestead and as she grew older she wanted nothing else but to be able to afford the things that she never got as a child. Therefore she worked hard at school as her only solace came from books, managed to get a scholarship and went further than any of her other family members. She was in her late thirties when she got married and gave birth to Thia in her forties. After the whole incidence with her husband, she put aside any thoughts pertaining to relationships and put all her energies on raising Thia and growing her business.
Matthew was good at playing mind games where child support was concerned which she didn’t care about nor cared to pursue. It was his responsibility to take care of their daughter; hence if he wasn’t willing to step up to the plate, she wasn’t going to waste her time over that. She became both father and mother to Thia and vowed to do the best she could and not make her feel the absence of a male figure in the house. Her huge family helped as Thia had six uncles who to Linda’s relief turned out to be the opposite of their father. She was financially secure as she owned a taxi business that was bringing in profits and also managed to build two condominiums which she rented out to tenants
***
Thia’s friends were already at the coffee shop by the time she got there; deeply discussing pertaining to the High school reunion party they were planning to host. “Afternoon ladies”, Thia greeted and hugged each one of them. “Thia you are late”, Nicole remarked stating the obvious. “Sorry love I had to drop the kids by my mother’s place”.
“How is she?” The ladies asked in unison. “She is doing just great” she replied before settling down on the chair next to Angel. “I miss Ms. LC’s sage advice on life”, Diane pronounced brightly, making Thia blush out of embarrassment. Ms. LC was a name that her friends had given to her mother meaning life coach. Thia had met Nicole, Diane and Angel when they were at kindergarten and they had been inseparable ever since. From being the tooth gaped children to beautiful women who celebrated their uniqueness, the ladies were friends for life. All of them apart from Angel who appeared to be dragging her feet had settled down and had families. Diane was the first to get married immediately after they finished high school. She was a fulltime house wife. She had three children, twin girls, Melissa, Melinda and one boy called Cody. Her husband just like Chad and Thia was an Artisan at Crescentville Electrical Power Station.
Thia followed and juggled being a mother, wife and artisan. A number of years passed before Nicole settled down. She was expecting her first child and about to pop anytime soon. Nicky was a librarian at the Public library and her friends had dubbed her the bookworm among them as they grew older since she tended to be caught sitting in a corner of a room lost in the world of mysteries and romance or whichever book managed to catch her fancy. Angel the odd one in the group was a nurse at the Medical Clinic and seemed to enjoy her freedom. As the girls were growing up, they used to have sleepover nights twice per month which they enjoyed immensely. It was when they got into their teens, over the holidays that Linda would pop into Thia’s room and would dish out advice pertaining to life and relationships. The relationship aspect used to make Thia wish the ground would open up and swallow her alive. No teen could be found alive listening to their mother speak about sex.
“Thia don’t be like this”, chimed in Diane taking note that she still was squeamish over talking about her mother and her advice. “Your mother has taught us a lot about life. If it weren’t for her I wouldn’t be married now and to a great person like Joe. She taught us to choose people with character. Even you at the end were able to follow her advice and look for a nice man to settle down with”. More like the nice man dropped into her lap, Thia thought. As the other ladies nodded and she detected some accolades about to spiral from the other two, Thia waved her hands and remarked, “Enough about my mother, onto the plans for the reunion, how are they coming along?” Nicole read out the things noted down and what had been taken care of from the list before discussions were made pertaining to the way forward.
Thia glanced at her watch and noted that they would be late for the meeting. She and Diane excused themselves as their children attended the same school. Nicole rubbed her bump as the ladies took their leave and commented, “Have still got a few more years to go before I start attending your parents meetings.” Thia stated with a chuckle, “Count yourself blessed, you will wish that your child was all grown up and away at college so you have all the time to yourself. By the way Ang, mom said you should give her a call”. After receiving a nod from her, she followed Diane who was already waiting outside while Nicole and Angel continued with their meeting and also updated their other former classmates who were in the organizing team. Since Diane’s car was at the garage, they continued their chat as they got into Thia’s car. “By the way did you notice who joined the High school reunion whats app group yesterday?” Diane inquired dramatically as she peeked at her friend to see her reaction.
“Nope I didn’t.” Thia chuckled at the way Diane was acting and her voice was evident of that. “Is it anyone interesting? You know I don’t like being on social media.” Diane gushed and blurted out, “Your first love who else?” she was eyeing Thia still looking for the reaction she so knew only Thia could pull out. Such was her surprise when Thia drove on without a flinch or any kind of reaction indicating that she had heard her. “Really Thia, aren’t you concerned. He will be there at the reunion”
“I am not. I am married to a good man and have beautiful kids what more would I want?” she spoke mildly as if stating the obvious to a three year old. Diane huffed, eliciting a laugh from her. “I guess it’s a good thing then that you no longer pine after him. My fear was that you would be thrilled about the whole matter and want to find out more”. Thia replied flippantly, “No I don’t,” Of course at the same time her mind was screaming, yes I want to know, I do want to find out more about him and whether he has changed. It has been a considerable number of years since she had last seen him. She wondered if he had grown fat, had a pot belly and bald head. If only such wishes could be fulfilled. Instead she had read about him in the local papers as he made a name for himself as a business mogul and the most eligible bachelor, in-between drooling over the way he looked on paper. Not that she was willing to admit that to any of her friends. She had always believed that Rodney was her soul mate. Rodney was her first and when he called it quits with her, she was devastated. She wasn’t ready to let go as she kept on hoping that things could have been different. Thia and Chad’s marriage was an inconvenient one as she had been forced by circumstances to enter it.
9 + so years ago.
“What number are you comfortable with in terms of sexual partners?” Ms. LC asked, at the same time managing to make her daughter Thia shudder and wish she could crawl into bed. Except her three best friends were on top of the covers and her wish of crawling into bed was pointless. They were having a sleep over and Linda as usual was offering the teens her advice, that she knew some of the parents hadn’t taken time to offer to their children, probably thinking they would figure or stumble through when the time came. “One”, Angel responded, eliciting a giggle from the other girls. “One is good”, Linda voiced, “What about the others, what do you think?” She was smiling at the girls while she asked so they could be comfortable in voicing their opinions without fear of being spanked.
The girls grudgingly chorused “one” prompting Linda to laugh. Just because they heard her state that one was good, they now thought it was a national anthem. “Hmmm let me rephrase,” she chuckled and leaned over on the door, since she didn’t want it to turn into a long lecture. Small dosages to her topic would make the girls more open with her. “If you knew that just one addition of a sexual partner, just that one determined the success of a marriage how many partners would you wish your future husband should have been with before he came to you. Again I repeat keeping in mind that for every partner that they have, they is an increase in the chances of divorcing in future?”
“None” was the resounding answer she heard after. But she wasn’t done yet. “Ok, I know that you chat about boyfriends, relationships with your other friends and school mates, you also watch these chick flicks that I think should be banned; nevertheless we need to talk about this, all facades thrown aside and get to the grit of this matter. When you heard that the more sexual partners amounted to an increase in chances of divorcing in future you were quick to say zero. Now the question you should ask yourselves is this, are you willing to stay chaste for that one who would have taken the same decision to have sex only with their future spouse?” Thia groaned as her mother continued. “You can groan all you like but that will not stop nature from taking its course. They will come a time in which you will have to make that decision, whether to be one of those who sleep around, experimenting before marriage and in the process getting hurt or you will do it after you are married and enjoy this God given gift. If you do it before you are just plain stupid. Yes you are,” she emphasized and watched the girls look at her with horrified expressions on their faces.
“By your expressions I can imagine you are probably thinking about the cool girl in school who told you how wonderful it felt or the charming boy who has earned a name of having the expertise in that area of making the girls feel like they are in heaven for days”. Diane and Nicky snickered while Angel seemed to be enjoying and paying full attention to what was being said by Cynthia’s mother. She plumped up the pillow while she lay on the bed, making herself more comfortable. Her mother hadn’t taken the time to tell her about relationships, except for that ten minutes pep talk she held when she had her first period and told her to not come home but remain with her boyfriend, if she ever fell pregnant in future before she got married. When she had plagued her older sister who was now married even her advice had been totally off. She advised her to stay as far away from men as she possibly could until she was way, way older and independent. To Angel this was not practical as her peers were already dating, some even doing it. It was almost like talking about sex was a taboo, yet their society was rampant with information from the internet to TV and radio shows pertaining to it. Then they were those cultures which trained girls coming into womanhood on how to pleasure a man. So who was she meant to listen to, if the ones who were meant to guide her were unwilling to do so?
Gladly paying heed to Linda and ignoring Thia who was making funny scratchy throat sounds, she was just in time to hear Linda say, “When a person decides to have sex outside of marriage they can’t see clearly and aren’t able to make the right decision because their vision has been clouded. Sex and emotions are connected. People tend to put up with a lot and make the wrong decision because it will be coming from the emotional state, instead of a rationale mind. You hear such stories around our town, your homes, that sister who has a crappy husband who’s an alcoholic, or a cheating spouse, it all stems from a decision made during the phase when they were intimate with that person. Angel I am seeing your hand up, is they something you want to say?” Linda enquired. She took a chair as she had been standing at the doorway when she delivered her lecture. The girls turned to Angel who seemed to enjoy the talk. Angel shyly replied, “It’s just a comment I had like to make”.
“Go ahead”, Linda motioned with her hand. “My older sister was dating a ‘cool guy’” She used her fingers marking the cool in quotes before she continued. “She liked everything about him. His swag, his bling and tolerated his love for alcohol. She used to enjoy his antics especially when he was drunk. I once overheard her talking with some friends, that the sex was exceptional. When she fell pregnant and was forced to marry by my parents, everything changed for her but nothing changed for my brother in law. He is still an alcoholic, does the same stunts at the family gatherings whenever he is drunk but now my sister complains about them. They are struggling financially as he can’t keep a job, when he gets his salary; he is off on a drinking spree and forgets to report to work the next day. My sister is fed up and usually expresses that she wonders what she ever saw in him in the first place. So when you spoke about not thinking rationally, she came to mind”.
“Thank you for that Angel, that’s an example of the clouded vision and you will be surprised that they are a lot of such issues happening in our society. For a while the sex made her not to even consider his bad habits. They were cool. To you it might have been obvious that he is not a good person, he is struggling with an addiction, but she wasn’t seeing that. As youths, this is the time that you should be taking charge of your bodies, mastering your emotions and not letting them run wild, because you will still have to deal with those emotions even after marriage. So if you never had self-control prior to marriage, don’t think you will suddenly develop it when you are married. Don’t think your ugly frogs on the day of the wedding will suddenly turn into prince charming by the wave of the pastors’ hand pronouncing you as husband and wife. That your character or his will suddenly become sublime, while your abused body develops self-control. You failed to honor your body then, it’s the same body that is in marriage still and there is a high chance of cheating.” She paused for a while and looked at their innocent young faces.
“Just because a boy knows how to match the color of their shoe laces with their shirt, or can hold a bottle of alcohol in a cool way doesn’t mean that he is a good husband potential, nor does a girl who has been taught to gyrate and move like a slithering snake make for a good wife. It’s the character of a person that counts. It’s not all hopeless and dire though, there is still hope for those who have done it prior but imagine the time and effort that one will have to dedicate to make right those broken parts of your soul and body. Why not take the upper road and do everything the right way the first time. God helping you, your life will be a marvel to see, that’s why He says that you should guard your heart above everything else. All the issues that pertain to life stem from there. Your generation is in a far much worse state than ours because you also have to deal with sexual infections and also confusion in sexual orientation as we now have new terms like sexual fluidity”. The girls nearly coughed at the same time when they heard Linda say that, never the less she ploughed on with her topic. “In our time it was rare to hear about a person who has been infected with an STI and so on. Instead of our society getting better, the morals are deteriorating day by day. So girls I really need you to think hard pertaining to this area and the choices you will later have to make,” she advised.
“Which brings us to dating, coz you can’t be making the decision about sex when you don’t have a boyfriend. How many of you are dating?”
“None of us is dating ma” Thia replied swiftly. If their night was going to turn out to be like the rest, she was already dreading it. “There is a school rule that stipulates that if any student is caught dating they will get expelled, we aren’t even allowed to hold hands with the opposite sex” Diane joined in. “School rule or not I know you, as hard as it is to believe I was once a teenager and I know how teenagers have a way of getting around rules”. Nicole shyly whispered, “I am dating”, shocking her best friends. Their head in the novels, little bookworm was dating and before any of them. “Thanks for your honesty Nicky” Linda stated and smiled reassuringly at the teen. As usual her mother was cool, Thia thought, as she didn’t react in the typical way she would expect of a mother to. Shout and spank Nicole till she couldn’t sit on her butt for a week.
“Who and why are you dating?” Linda requested bluntly as Thia rolled her eyes. Adults definitely didn’t beat about the bush, she thought. “It’s a boy that I learn with called Gerald. He is handsome, friendly and cool,” Nicole gushed. She was experiencing the thrills of first love and was brave enough to tell Thia’s mom as she felt she could even conquer the world. “Gerald the head boy”, the girls shrieked. The little sneak had been telling them that he was helping her as she was struggling in mathematics. “Hush”, Linda quieted them. “So what are your future plans with Gerald?” she probed further enjoying the talk with the girls. “What future plans?” Nicky was now wearing a confused expression on her face. “Well where do you see your relationship going in a years’ time or two?” Linda stressed out and could clearly see confusion as Nicole hadn’t thought that further ahead. “I didn’t think about that. I don’t think Gerald thinks that way too. We were just dating for the fun of it” Nicky tentatively answered, not sure on what Thia’s mom was trying to drive at. “We are still young and it’s too early for us to be making long term goals”.
“Hmmm and does that fun include kissing and petting?” Linda was staring at Nicky who suddenly lowered her eyes to the carpeted floor out of embarrassment. The other girls were now fully paying attention to the conversation and Nicky knew they would be in her case after Linda left. “I take that as a yes then” Linda concluded. “There is no need to be shy about it. Onto the next question, what is the purpose of dating?”
Thank you for reading an excerpt from The Inconvenient Marriage.
Yvonne Sibanda 